Learning Patience

Just a quick update on our Sipe Household. We are doing okay considering the events of the past few months. We know that God is every faithful, so we take each day one step at a time. I'm not saying life is easy right now- honestly, I think this is the hardest time thus far in my life. I still find myself breaking down at the most inopportune times, for really no apparent reason. My heart still grieves for my closest friend, and there are times where I just want to sit down and talk with her. I need girl time... and Jenni always had a great way of making my bad days seem so wonderful. Little by little we are pulling through, all of us.




In addition to our mourning over the loss of Jenni, we have incurred disappointment in the baby area as well. We decided to start the first round of Clomid in May. On Friday, I went in for blood work to measure my progesterone levels. Progesterone blood draws are completed on cycle day 21 to see whether or not ovulation has occurred. In a normal woman, the progesterone levels become and remain high after ovulation until the end of the cycle. After stressing all weekend-- and holding onto every string of hope I had for this month being 'our month'... I received results. The results came today in the form of a telephone call from the doctor's office. The nurse there called to let me know my progesterone levels were low, meaning I had not ovulated this month and thus the Clomid did not serve its purpose with a 50mg dose. She told me to start back on the Provera by the middle of next week. The doctor is also calling in another round of Clomid for me to start next cycle-- this time in the form of a 100mg dose.

I am still very hopeful in getting pregnant on our own with just this little kick start from the Clomid. I know God's plan is more amazing that I could ever imagine. But at the same time, I feel God teaching us (especially me) patience through all of this. I have always considered myself to be a patient person, but not until recently I did not understand true patience and waiting. I have a daily devotion on my desk that I look at each day. Here is what it said last Friday:
"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." -Romans 8:24-25
Our comfort rests in hope rather than satisfaction from tangible things. Yet hope takes patience.



I stand in awe of the Lord and his works. When it is time for us to have a child, he/she will be made in His hands-- for us to love and cherish. The only way to get there is to have hope and PATIENCE. As hard as it comes, I know the Lord hears the cry of our hearts and comforts us when we feel all may be lost.



As for other news:



We continue on each day and have proven to be busy little bees. I took a week off from work towards the end of May to work on finishing up the kitchen. We had originally started the painting process when we moved in back in January, but it never got finished. Basically I had come to the conclusion that it wouldn't get finished if I didn't take time off to get it done. We are so busy and late in the evening getting home each day. It was impossible to start the painting business after a long day at work. Here are a few pictures of the mostly finished product:





My brother&sister-in law (Jodi and Jeremy) got us a sign in Gatlinburg that says "Count Your Blessings". I think it may make a home above our kitchen window.

Wallace has grown like a weed. I tell Matt nearly every week that I can tell he has grown.

Here is a more recent pic:

He is now about 22-23 weeks old! He is definitely our big ol boy.

I feel like this is now becoming a ramble- so it is off to bed I go for the night.
<3 love to all of you!

A Memory Still Living Well...

As long as I can remember I have always held a passion for babies. Not until recently was that passion to have a child of my own. Growing up I had always told my parents I wanted to work with babies and small children. As they guided my future, I was told the only way to serve the age of children I wished was in the medical field, as a registered nurse. I tried that career, and to this day think I would make an excellent pediatric nurse. The only thing that held me from continuing in that direction was the overwhelming sorrow I felt while working in the hospital. Not necessarily sorrow for the sick people getting treatment, but for the ‘sick’ individuals that think of themselves as caring and compassionate. I had a run-in with several nurses at both local hospitals that acted as if they were better than everyone else. They may have been better than everyone else, but it pained me to see them not working for the good of the individuals there and in need. All I wanted to do was save lives and help people feel better. These individuals were not concerned for the individuals; rather they were in the job for personal gain. So there ended my career and drive to help babies through the medical field. Like a dagger to the heart, I thought I had lost all hope at helping babies and small children… until recently.

Each year the company I work for, The Jackson Group, participates in the March of Dimes March for Babies. I was privileged enough to walk last year with the Team Jackson Group and loved every minute of what the walk stood for. The March of Dimes works hard to raise money to help fund research that goes towards decreasing infant mortality. Did you know that 6 out of 1000 babies born die before one year of age? Why can those children not have the chance of a lifetime? That’s what March of Dimes does… they give those babies a chance at life. This year I had the opportunity to co-chair the Team Jackson March for Babies group. We collected change for changing babies’ lives, hosted a Thirty-One catalog sale, held numerous Blue Jeans for Babies Days, and asked for general donations all to help raise funds for the March of Dimes. It was a long journey to our walk day on May 2, 2009- but every minute was worth it to see the baby whom’s lives have been greatly impacted by the March of Dimes research.

I also had a pleasant surprise at the March for Babies walk. One of my co-workers asked me if I had seen the kids from Grandview Middle School, where Jenni taught, that were participating in the March for Babies. She took me to see the kids of Grandview and much to my surprise; they had dedicated their entire March for Babies walk in Jenni’s memory. I had to have a photo with the kids who wore shirts that stated “In loving memory of Jenni Cornwell, beloved teacher and friend.” I felt an overwhelming sense of emotion when I saw their shirts and realized all they had done to make this walk special for Jenni. I remember Jenni being so excited last year that I was walking in the March for Babies and even then she pledged that she would be with me this year. We had discussed my position as co-chair and she offered many times to help wherever needed. I think I was so overwhelmed at all the kids had done because in a way Jenni was there when I least expected it. She was there cheering us all on, and the kids were there to remind each of us of that alone. Each of the kids shared with me their love for their Mrs. Cornwell, and one of her neighboring teachers, Mrs. Lloyd shared my many thanks to them for all they did in the walk. I immediately called Josh and his mom after meeting with the kids. All we could do was cry on the phone because it was so touching to know they would do something so generous for another individual.

All-in-all the walk was amazing. Here are a few photos of our day:

Here I am with the first few kids that I tracked down.

Here are both of our groups posing for a shot together. Team Jackson is in dark grey, Team Grandview is in light grey.

Here is a shot of the posters that were made in Jenni’s memory-- the entire school signed them.

Here is Jodi, Zane, and Myself enjoying the beginning festivities.

At the end of the walk, the Grandview teachers and students released Carolina blue and white balloons in Jenni’s memory. It was touching to see how much these students cared.


We are still raising money for the March for Babies through the end of this month, so the money totals I have are still preliminary. I am grateful to have found a way to serve babies and small children, along with the friend I will always love.

Our New Addition

We added an addition to our family this month. :) Do I have you fooled? It's definitely not a baby. Even though we would graciously accept that sort of good news, we are waiting for the right timing and hoping that God will scream that 'it's time' right in our faces. We got a new dog. Matt has been wanting a big dog for the longest time. I think he wanted he big dog before we even got Gizmo last March. A friend of ours had a female dog that was supposedly fixed at the Human Society. Well-- something happened, and she had 13 puppies. Obviously, she was not fixed - thus the puppies. The momma was a German Shepherd and the daddy a Lab. So we went into the agreement of getting the puppy expecting a German Shepherd. Boy, were we surprised when we brought home our little black Lab look-alike. We named him Wallace. You should know why. The name fits him perfectly, and no offense to the Wallaces by our dog being named after them. (We did it in honor of Jenni. Him being named Wallace is merely an honor to the two of us.)

Here are a few pics of Wallace:

Easter went well... not too much hype or anything. We chose Japanese food for Lunch on Easter Sunday, and then had too Dinners that night (one with my parents and the other with Matt's Dad and family). Overall a good time. It was good having quality time with our family members. Things have been extremely hectic this past month to the point I almost didn't know which end was up.

Life has been really busy, but we are enjoying every minute of it. God is wonderful to us!

Baby Fever

Sorry for my lack of updates on Matt and myself recently. Honestly, I haven't really been thinking of us. We are taking care of ourselves and all, but with the loss of Jenni-- my mind hasn't been necessarily focused on the little things in life.

I did get in to see a new OB/GYN on Wednesday, March 18th. The proved to be very positive, despite a uneasiness on my end. The new doctor ran some bloodwork and did just introductory things. After talking about the difficulties we are experiencing with my cycles (and getting pregnant), she explained to me that she felt I may have a mild case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This is basically where my ovaries and brain to do not communicate effectively regarding my cycles and ovulation.

I was originally scared that I would be at a greater risk for ovarian cancer later in life, but she assured me that was not the case at all. She eased my mind by emphasizing this is a mild case of the disorder, and nothing that should be severe enough to prevent us from having children at all. Some of you may have heard of PCOS from Kate Gosselin of TLC's John and Kate Plus 8. The main difference is that her case was very severe, thus leading to IVF treatments to get pregnant. Dr. Harraghy recommended we plan on doing a cycle of Clomid. This medication will make my brain believe there is a decreased level of estrogen in my body, thus leading my brain to tell my ovaries to go into overproduction of the hormone. By this happening, my chances of ovulation (and prediction of ovulation) is made a bit easier. The doctor seemed confident that we would get pregnant after one complete cycle of the medication (three months). She comically told me to plan how aggressive I wanted to be with getting pregnant, and a three month span in which I would like to have a baby. After I have those two thoughts in mind, we can begin.

So that is the decision we have on our plates. Not necessarily the way we wanted things to happen, but God obviously has placed this doctor in our path to help. Only thing now is deciding when to start. I've been under a lot of stress here lately and don't think it is the best of environments to try to conceive. The stress will only work against us anyways.

Until we decide something more definite, I am going to try and relax. Taking vitamins daily, and praying that God shows us the direction He wants for us.

My dearest Jenni

Tonight one of my most beloved friends went Home to be with our Lord and Savior. Jennifer (Jenni) Rae Cornwell was the greatest person I have ever met. I am honored to have known her in her short 26 years here on Earth, but I am also privileged to be able to call her my friend and a part of my family. She married my cousin, Josh- but the two of us have been like peas and carrots ever since we roomed together at Western the Spring semester of my Sophomore year.


I have so many happy memories of the two of us together that I can cherish forever. She put a light in my life that had not been there before and she helped me to love God deeper. She showed me what marriage and love really were-- and even though her and Josh had only been married just over 3 years, I believe they were closer than most couples married 40 years. The love present between the two of them was powerful and will live for years to come.





Jenni will be greatly missed by her family, friends, co-workers, students, and acquaintances. She had a personality that was hard to dislike or resist. If you were having a bad day, she could find the most perfect way to make it better. (Nagano's always seemed to work for me.) Our times together will be greatly missed and the coming days will be filled with sorrow. I am glad to say I have no regrets regarding my friendship with Jenni. I was there for her through all three rounds of cancer, both transplants, and her most recent battle. Yes of course I wish I could have more time with her, as does everyone who knew her. But I worked hard to be the friend she needed when she needed a listening ear (or decorating advice) most.

Her friendship will forever remain an important part of my life. She would have been the God mother to mine and Matt's children. I hate her time here was cut short of seeing their birth, but I know she will be there in spirit when we do get pregnant and start our family. She is now in Heaven dancing with her mom and Jesus. What more could an angel ask for??

I love and miss you Jenni. See you soon.

The blessings of a friend...

Over time, many of you may have heard stories about my friend Jenni Cornwell.

She is an inspiration in both mine and Matt's daily lives. I had the great privelege of getting to know her as my roommate back at Western in the Spring semester of 2004 and we have been friends ever since. In November 2007 she underwent her second bone marrow transplant as treatment for Leukemia (the first was for Lymphoma). Since Jenni has been home, well on her way to healing, and even had gone back to work until recently. Many complications within her healing process dealing with her eyes made it harder for her to work, and the doctors agreed it may be best for her to take some time away from working to give her eyes time to heal.

Nine days ago Jenni was admitted back to the hospital at Duke with a gamete of medical diagnoses. Her husband (also my cousin), Josh, has since taken leave from teaching to help her in this journey back to health. This setback, as explained by the doctors, will not be one that just heals overnight-- even thought I feel God is great and can do ANYTHING through prayer. Josh and the family have been told to prepare for a longer-than-expected recuperation time with all that is going on in her little body.

I ask that each of you pray for Jenni. Pray God brings unexplainable healing into her body. That He lifts each kind of sickness from her earthly body with his healing hands. Also pray for Josh-- that God gives him the strength and courage that is needed to sit by his spouse's side in her time of need. That he too can help meet her needs. Pray for the doctors and nurses there at Duke, that they have the wisdom to provide Jenni with the medicines necessary to bring healing and to ease her pain (despite the team they may be pulling for in the ACC--- heehee, I threw that one in there).

While Josh is out of work and there are so many updates on the status of Jenni, he has created a blog to help keep everyone informed and to be able to relieve a little stress himself. The site is:
http://jennibugg.blogspot.com/
On the site there are advertisements (unlike most blogs you will visit). This is a way for Josh to raise a little extra money through AdSense to help out why they are both out of work and living on savings. Each view to the page helps raise money for them, as well has occasional clicks on the advertisements. If you visit the page, feel free to click on an advertisement for a few short moments before going on about your daily busyness. There has also been a spot made available to donate online to Josh and Jenni (at the bottom right corner of the page) through their PayPal account. Feel free to forward this site along to your friends so that can help out too!
Thanks for you love, prayers, and support

Time Flies

WOW-- how time really does fly.

I just realized the last time I honestly sat down and posted a blog was back in October. Sheesh, life truly does get hectic at times.

I guess a little updating is definitely needed:

--My mom got married in November. My mom and stepdad have been together since I was in the THIRD GRADE. Yep, that means they have been together since 1993!! All of these years they have focused on providing for me and my sister. This time they nailed it down for certain. They are meant to be. We had a very simple ceremony and reception for the two of them with our closest family members. It was perfect, and I am glad they waited until I was old enough to appreciate the love they have for one another. A few pics to let you in on the fun:

--Thanksgiving and Christmas were wonderful. Special time spent with all of our loved ones was just what we needed. God is amazing in how he has provided us with the most spectacular people to love. I am grateful to have such a wonderful family. We were able to spend equal amounts of time with Matt's family as well as mine. Just a few shots to remember:

--As posted in my last blog.. we were planning on moving into my parent's home on the other side of town (still in Maiden). Immediately after the Christmas festivities ended, Matt and I set out on the new journey. I used my 10 days from work over the Christmas holiday to focus solely on painting and sprucing up the house before me, Matt, and Gizmo made our entrance. So far things have been nice in the new house (besides some minor bumps in the road), but I am NO WHERE near completed with painting. Actually as of today, we have been there one complete month and are still living out of boxes.

--My birthday was this past weekend. To celebrate Matt and I decided we would take his two younger brothers along with us on a church snow tubing trip to Jonas Ridge. The day was filled with laughter and joy as we had the best of times. Here are some pictures of the day:

Despite the busyness of our daily lives, we love the Lord more for everything He has given us. He has blessed us beyond imagination with wonderful health, family members, friends, jobs, church family, etc. Life is full, but Life is good-- just like God. He is good all of the time. Hopefully I can find just a little more time for posting in the near future, but until then... May God bless and keep you safe!